In 1975 I heard a turn of phrase "Bearing the Unpleasant Manifestations of Others". More about that in a bit.

I like your crusty outer persona. You've "given up hoping to achieve happiness". What's that about? It almost sounds like you are working to achieve balance in your life. Are you?

In avoiding the downs are you depriving yourself of balance? avoiding your shadow as reflected in dislikes? That "avoidance" seems antithetical to balance. But maybe I am mistaken that you are seeking balance at all. Are you?

By - Bearing the Unpleasant Manifestations of Others does your avoidance seek to make your life better? Or are you depriving yourself knowing the full truth about you? Or is this a mere coping skill? As in survival?

An interesting piece of writing BTW. Reminds me of a quote. "Open your door to a good day, but expect a bad one." from ZBS - "Moon Over Morocco"