These personifications of the dreaded five subtitles are hilarious. Congrats on making this an enjoyable and laugh out loud piece of writing.

This is a good reference - I am adding it to my archive.

And then, there's the use of "then"... many times this adverb is unnecessary. Have you read "Dreyer's English" by Benjamin Dreyer - Copy Chief at Random House a funny treatise on style and clarity.

Bravo!!!

And as an aside - how is it that we are constantly calling "Responses" - Comments. Find out more in Responses Transcendent/Comments Not